Awkward conversations and the Paper Mache Vase.

Tricky conversations are awkward and who loves diving into those moments?

But if we don’t have awkward talks, we can’t lead well, we don’t grow closer to the important people in our lives and we don’t get stronger as humans in our evolving process. We can’t build great companies.  And we get stuck. 

As we developed our 2nd Story Goods leadership team in Haiti,  I realized that we needed to have more Big Awkward Conversations. We were dancing around issues that I believed stemmed from the mere fact that we were coming from different cultures and life experiences.  I was nervous, certain I was part of the problem, but had no idea how to fix it. So I called us together.  A group of 6. 

We were: 

• 3 women, 3 men
• Four people raised in Haiti, Two people raised in the United States
• One Quinquagenarian, Five Millennials, 
• Three married people, Three single people 
• Two of us with kids, Four without

We sat around a round table and hard, honest things came up. 

• What it’s like to have visitors on mission trips in our work space, 
• the use of money, 
• management styles. 

We talked long and hard. I tried to imagine how things looked so different to each of us.

And then I had this GORGEOUS revelation. 

We had this paper machè vase on our round table. I bought it years ago in Jacmel and filled it with colorful silk flowers. It was one constant thing in my dusty imperfect living space that sparked joy. 

 The vase had vertical stripes of color and designs.  And while we were having the Awkward Conversation, I was distracted by the vase. It had something to say.

I realized that what I saw of the design from my seat at the table was different from what the young man 2 seats to my left saw from his spot.  Which was different from what the young mother 1 seat to my right saw as well. 

A BIG AHA!

I could have described the vase in detail. I would have talked about the lovely shade of orange with the red tiny flowers. So matter of fact.  But the truth is that only I could see it– me and maybe the person directly to my right, but certainly not the person across the table. They could not imagine what i was talking about. While they would have talked long and hard about the blue stripe with the green leaf design, and I would be like..  What’s wrong with you? It is orange.  Are you blind?  

So the vase woke me.  And I realized that What I see, I see simply because of where I am seated.  And the Wise Me accepts that my reality is not everyone’s. The Wise Me says to the person across the table:  

Please, tell me what you see. How would you describe it? 

What else?  Tell me more. 

The Wise Me knows I have many more blind spots than I have clear vision spots.  The Wise Me is grateful to find people that sit across the table and know stuff I don’t know.  The wise me is respectful and curious and delighted to learn.  

If we are going to turn this huge HELPING revolution from hurting to doing some good, we must actually sit differently in our chairs. We must imagine that colorful vase between us and the person or community we have come to engage. 

We must walk humbly. Come in asking for help. Come in as a learner. Come in honoring our blindness and the vision of others. We’d be so wise to start with: 

What do you see that I don’t see and 

 What would you wish I knew?  

MK